UK Horse Racing Tips

Archive for the ‘Horse Humour’ Category

Unfortunately, the result of the 1981 Derby will forever be overshadowed by events at Ballmany Stud, Co. Kildare on February 8, 1983. However, while the winner, Shergar, was subsequently spirited away, in the dead of night, by a gang of masked gunmen and never seen alive again, his performance at Epsom still stirs the blood of many in the racing fraternity.

Having won the Sandown Classic Trial by ten lengths and the Chester Vase by twelve lengths, much lie someone aceing the highest payout online casino games, Shergar was sent off at 10/11 favourite at Epsom. In the absence of the Dante winner, Beldale Flutter, who had beaten Shergar in what is now the Vertem Futurity Trophy as a juvenile, the pick of the opposition was the Dante Stakes runner-up, Shotgun, ridden by Lester Piggott. However, once the race was underway, the opposition, which looked weak on paper beforehand, became almost irrelevant.

Rounding Tattenham Corner – the sharp, downhill bend that leads runners into the home straight at Epsom – Shergar easily moved upsides the leaders, Riberetto and Silver Season and as soon as he took up the running, with three furlongs to run, the race was all but over. Approaching the furlong marker, BBC Radio commentator Peter Bromley exclaimed, ‘There’s only one horse in it. You need a telescope to see the rest!”

Shergar sauntered home in splendid isolation, with jockey Walter Swinburn looking around for non-existent dangers, to win, eased down, by ten lengths. In fact, such was his margin of victory – still the widest in the history of the Derby – that John Matthias, who rode the second horse, Derby Italiano winner Glint Of Gold, actually that his horse has won. We can only hope luck would go the same way for us in a  newzealandcasinos environment. The race was later described by Timeform as ‘arguably the most one-sided Derby of modern times’; Shergar was awarded a Timeform Annual Rating of 140, placing him co-eighth in the all-time list of the Timeform era, alongside Dancing Brave and Sea The Stars, among others.

A pony went to the doctor complaining about having a sore throat. The doctor said: “It’s OK, you’re just a little horse.”

A racehorse owner takes his horse to the vet. “Will I be able to race this horse again?,” he asks
The vet replies: “Of course you will, and you’ll probably win!”

Why should you never be rude to a jump jockey? In case he takes offence.

A talking horse walks into a bar and approaches the manager. “Excuse me, good sir,” the horse says, “are you hiring?”

The manager looks the horse up and down and says, “Sorry, pal. Why don’t you try the circus?”

The horse nickers. “Why would the circus need a bartender?”

Did you hear about the man who was hospitalized with six plastic horses inside him?

The doctor described his condition as stable.

A young jockey and his stable lass girlfriend make the decision to get married. Everything is planned and the couple intend to honeymoon in Italy for a week. The marriage goes without a hitch and the couple set off on their honeymoon. While checking in the lady behind the desk asks ‘We have two suites available for you, would you like the bridal?’ ‘No thanks says the jockey I’ll just hold her ears till she gets the hang of it!’ –

A horse walks into a bar. The barman says “hey”. The horse says “sure, thanks

It’s high time that I posted something a little bit jokey and different and I’m sure you’ll agree that this marble racing video ticks both boxes!

We all enjoy a bit of horse humour. One liners like, “What’s a horse’s favourite TV show?” “Neighbours” often raise a chuckle. Or perhaps something with an element of silliness to it: “Which side of a horse has more hair?” “The outside”. Of course though betting on horses can be a serious business, where cold hard cash changes hands so with that in mind, a joke that tops them all would have to be “How do you make a small fortune out of horses?” “Start with a large fortune!” The tone of this strikes true for some gamblers who  chase losses to the ends of the earth! A ”I hope I break even today – I need the money” mindset. It can sometimes be hard to see the funny side of a bad bet, though on other occasions people have what we might class as the luck of the devil and/or a winning mindset!

Take Punter Fred Craggs for instance. He was never one for big horse racing bets, just a pound bet here or there. or taking advantage of the odd online free bet. In 2008 he placed a tiny 50 pence eight-horse accumulator bet featuring selections at three race meetings, both at home and abroad, namely Sandown, Wolverhampton and Dubai . To his surprise all 8 horses romped home, winning him a staggering 1 million pounds. There was no grand plan with his selections, in fact Fred often picked horses simply because he liked their names. It adds to the achievement then surely, that the very first winner trained by Jonjo O’Neill and ridden by Richie McGrath, was named “Isn’t That Lucky?” And the last you may ask, well that was called “A Dream Come True”. Quite the bet, and it almost seemed like it was written in the stars. The overall odds of this bet made it a 2,000,000/1 accumulator.

So what’s in a name I wonder, when you’re placing a bet on the horses? There was once a horse called called Lucky Strike, so following the above betting logic, I can think of worse ones to bet on! If you’re looking for funny or absurd horse names instead through, what better horse to go for than the now legendary Horsey McHorseface or what surely must be a commentators dream (or nightmare) , the horse named ARRRRRRR.